Mario and Luigi are standing in a room slowly filling with water.
Luigi: Well bro, I guess this is it.
Mario: Never!
Mario inspects the walls for any kind of escape.
Mario: Hmm... this wall sounds hollow.
Mario knocks on the wall.
Mario: What do you think?
Luigi: It sounds normal to me.
Mario: Stand back.
Mario begins to dash at the wall with his head. Luigi grabs him by the suspenders.
Mario: What the hell are you doing!
Luigi: Let's think rationally before we kill ourselves, ok?
Mario: I'm trying to get us out of here!
Luigi: You're making an ass of yourself.
Mario: Well, uh, mabye if we splash water on the wall it'll dissolve...
Luigi: No, Mario.
Mario: Um, mabye we could drink all the water...
Luigi: Mario, listen...
Mario: Mabye there's a password! "CHEESEBURGER!" "FUZZY PICKLES!!" uhhh, "PURPLE MONKEY DISHWASHER!!!"
Luigi: MARIO CALM THE F**K DOWN!!
Mario breaks down in tears.
Mario: This is it, Game Over, man. GAME OVER!!!
Luigi slaps Mario.
Mario: Game Ov..
Luigi slaps Mario again.
Mario: Ga..
Luigi slaps Mario again.
Mario: Ga..
Luigi begins slapping Mario repeatedly.
Mario: I'm sorry Luigi, I don't know what came over me... WE'RE DOOMED!!
Luigi puts Mario into a headlock.
Luigi: Listen! You're having a mental breakdown! Get a hold of yourself!!!
Luigi lets go of Mario and he lands on his hands and knees in the water. He pants heavily before pushing himself off the ground. He wipes his eyes with his shirt.
Mario: I don't get it, how could we die this way?
Luigi: Oh poor Mario, always the "big man," as soon as you find a situation
you can't get out of you go nuts.
Mario: How can you stay so calm?
Luigi: I'm just glad somebody else decided to kill me instead of having to
do it myself.
Mario: What...
Luigi: Don't act so damn suprised, I've had to live under your shadow for
years.
Mario: You're not making any sense man.
The water is now up to their ankles.
Luigi: Do you have any idea what it's like to try to become better than you?
I worked out, I spent most of my time in the weight room. While you were
off signing autographs and making game deals, I was out saving lives. But,
no... you got all the starring roles in games, you got all the..
Mario: Wait a minute!
Luigi: No! Shut up! Once you got popular, you forgot about me!
Mario: That's not fair! You were in Mario Kart, Mario Party...
Luigi: Yeah, all the games that had Yoshi, Donkey crap, and that Princess
slut in 'em too.
Mario: How dare you call her a slut?!
Luigi: Oh come on, she's easier than Yoshi's Story.
Mario: You just want to be the center of attention.
Luigi: When was the last time we had a Mario BROTHERS game?
Mario: Oh poor baby, you always cry about not being in Mario 64.
Luigi: Like I f**king care! That game was a piece of s**t anyway.
The water is now up to their knees.
Mario: That game kicked ass, and you weren't a part of it.
Luigi: You went through all that work, saved all those people... all you got
was a damn cake. I guess the Princess didn't have the stomach to lay you.
Mario: Hey f**k you!
Luigi: I should've been the star!
Mario: You starred in Where's Mario?, don't you remember?
Luigi: Oh, that's it, you're goin' down biatch!
Mario and Luigi begin brawling. They both get in several hits, but Luigi gains the upper hand a minute into the fight and begins pounding on Mario's face. Mario tackles Luigi and they begin wrestling under the water. They began kicking and choking each other. Blood clouds the water around them. The lack of air forces them to surface. The water is now a foot from the ceiling. At opposite ends of the room and out of breath, the two Brothers give each other a last, desperate look.
Luigi: We can't let it end like this.
Mario: It'd break Momma's heart.
Luigi: Let's call it a truce, deal?
Mario: Deal.
They shake hands and exchange a brotherly hug. The wall reaches the ceiling and they are totally immersed in water. Mario opens his eyes to see a blurry image of Luigi giving him the finger. Mario flips his brother off and a smile spreads across each of their faces. Mario closes his eyes, accepting his fate.
Wasn't that a big loaf of wholsome goodness? Didn't it make you want to cut your stomach open and fondle your intestines?